Sunday, September 23, 2018
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A ‘Dear John’ to Interstate 80

I didn’t have an opportunity to break it to you gently, so I hope the news doesn’t hit too hard.

After a long and bumpy love-hate relationship, we’re splitting up.

I’m done with you, Interstate 80.


I’ve had enough of your freeway attitude, the unforgiving way you seem to cater to your 18-wheeled friends and your rigid no-second-chances-to-get-off demeanor.

You can take your 80 mph speed limit and your grassy median and go. I’m heading back to my first love and there’s nothing you can do about it.

My old friend Highway 30 has turned over a new leaf. There were some barricades that caused issues in our previous relationship, but those have since been removed. That hideous safety orange outfit is gone too, along with the rough exterior and cracked personality. It’s fresh and it’s smooth and I’m in love.

Besides, I feel it’s important to reduce the stress in my life wherever possible rather than giving up almost 30 minutes a day in a white-knuckled panic with you.

Oh, don’t pout. We can still be friends and I’ll visit you on weekends once in awhile. Besides, I’m sure you won’t be lonely. You’ve wooed many others over the past 50 years.

But you’re not for me. Not anymore. I’ve got a new love and I’m sure the relationship will last a good long while.

So hit the road, 80. It’s been real.