Thursday, September 20, 2018
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A story from Bizarro World

Ronald Reagan was a cowboy and a third rate actor who tricked the public into electing him president of the United States. He was an evil war-monger who spewed vile rhetoric like “peace through strength.”

His main adversary was the Soviet Union. In his quest to destroy this peace-loving country, he built up an arsenal of weaponry like the world has never known. The Soviets tried to defend themselves, but just couldn’t keep up.

Reagan crippled their main source of income (oil) by persuading Saudi Arabia to flood the market. The result was the total economic collapse of the USSR. To Reagan’s dismay, the Soviets submitted without a shot being fired.

During Reagan’s first years in office, the U.S. was in a recession. His plan was to do really stupid stuff like make massive cuts to personal and corporate taxes, reduce government spending and balance the budget. What a lunatic! He even cut things like school lunch programs. Imagine having to make your own sandwich.. In spite of all his intervention, the economy recovered and the nation prospered.

Our new president is Barack Obama. He is the smartest man to ever hold the office. Only two or three people I know didn’t want to vote for hope and change. We are currently in a recession again. Obama’s plan has been to spend every dime the country has and more.

It’s okay. The people that still have jobs can support the heavier tax load (especially the evil rich). There will always be future generations to pay it back. We need these taxes to pay for the expansion of government. We can then afford dozens of new “czars” to keep the unruly proletariat in check. Our future’s so bright, we gotta wear shades.

It has been reported that a mild-mannered scholar in Iran named Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, repeatedly said Israel should be wiped off the map. The war-monger George Bush, believed this lie and planned to build missile defenses in Poland to protect eastern Europe from an Iranian attack. What a crazy man! Thank God Obama scrapped the plan.

We have been allies with countries like Poland, Czechoslovakia and Israel for too long. It is time we make new friends in countries like Iran, North Korea and Russia. Even Hugo Chavez thinks they’re great. JFK easily handled the problem of Russian missiles in Cuba. Missiles in Venezuela trained on the U.S. should be a snap for Obama.

It’s time for payback. Shouldn’t Russia be able to persecute the U.S., like we have done to all other countries? The president showed our good faith in this endeavor with his speech to the U.N.

As ringmaster of a circus that included the largest collection of murderous thug regimes to converge on New York City in quite some time, the president was applauded for trashing our country. His message was that there is nothing exceptional about America and it’s okay to hate us. What’s important is that they love our president.